I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
