Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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