Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
