i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
