nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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