if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
