Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
