Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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