You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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