It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
