if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
