there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
