I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
