A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
