I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
