so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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