woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize