Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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