I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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