Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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