I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
