The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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