...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
