Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
