your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
