i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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