You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
