that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
