his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
