Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
