Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Welp...herpes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
