Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
