My balls are so social today.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
