i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
