I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
