Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
