he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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