We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
