I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
