oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Never underestimate the power of titties
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