Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
