girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
