If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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