I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
