Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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