You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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