Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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