First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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