i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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