ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
