As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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