70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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