In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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