I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
