im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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