Dual....:-)
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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