I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
