if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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