I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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