If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
