she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
