well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
