On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
