i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
