He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
