I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
