can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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