he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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