If i come over, it means nothing
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
