why didn't you poke me back
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i came on her dog
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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