My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
