And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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