elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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