No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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