looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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