Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
