apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
