im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize