If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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