That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
