I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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