i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
