He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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