yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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