so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
